Alexandra Ciausescu

Aug 11, 2018

4 min read

The love-fear mindsets

The antonym of love is not hate, but fear.

When our worldview is dominated by fear we feel stuck and we can no longer grow, evolve and create. All our energy is converted into negative thoughts like “what is…” (what if I am not good enough, what if they don’t like me, what if I am going to be rejected etc). That state can only get worse, we feel more down and we generate more negativity. When we are afraid, we enter our defence mode, therefore we either find a nice place, comfortable that would keep us safe but won’t allow us to grow any further or we become aggressive, in the desperate need to protect ourselves we react violently.

First, we have to love ourselves and then others. If you love yourself you won’t need the approval of others because you’ll be enough. When you love yourself truly you won’t need the love of others, hence, you won’t be a receptor for love but you’ll give love. When we love ourselves we won’t need the love of others, we won’t crave attention and device complicate plans to get their time or energy to fulfil ourselves, to feel secure, to feel worth.

Love does reject ownership and cultivate freedom. When our actions found their roots in a love mindset, we won’t feel the need to control nor we will fall into a follower state but we will just be. We will be conscious, our thoughts, emotions and actions will be synchronous. we will have the strength and courage to manifest our full potential.

Now, turn your attention to how you feel right now? What is running in the back of your mind? Is it anxiety, stress, joy, happiness?

Fear is caused by pain. If you realize that your world-view is dominated by fear that you have to find what hurts you. It takes courage, courage to admit that you are vulnerable and courage to confront your dragon. It takes time and great effort to heal.

Pain is like a virus if you don’t heal you will infect others. If you will live in a mindset of fear you will probably accidentally or consciously hurt someone else, maybe even some close and dear to you, and so on.

If you managed to recover, don’t rush into helping others because your wounds are still freshly healed. Furthermore, if you don’t have the proper knowledge or the necessary skills, don’t try to cure that person because you can make things worse but guide him or her to someone who can like a therapist, philologist, etc.

I recently launched a blog in Romanian. I haven’t done that until now because I realized I was in a fear state, and due to that I kept finding reasons not to, like I don’t have time, I’ll do it later, is not the right moment etc. The thing is that I was afraid of what others might think, and that is just sad.

I realize that my goal was to inspire others and help them grow and fulfil their potential. I can only do that if I love myself first. Only if I trust myself that I have all the resources cognitive and material to do that. I am sure that my positivity will be mirrored and not only I believe, but I know that if I’ll speak truthfully and fuel my action by love I will succeed.

This was not an overnight revelation but it required a daily dose of courage to unravel my true self and manifest it throughout my actions. As I said in previous posts, we get so attached to the masks we are wearing that we are afraid of who we are and we reject it, because sometimes is painful to say this is not me and what I’ve been doing until now is irrelevant because what am I supposed to do is this. I needed to grow a backbone and stay tall whit my head up to unravel myself, let myself open for judgement, get comfortable with that and stand my ground, even if I am still shaking a little.

We learn to become who we really are.

Thank you for reading.
Warm hugs.

If you want to get to know me better, in this article I go through some of my fears.

Also if you feel lost and struggle to find meaning this 2 post might help you as well: “Why you can’t find your purpose” and “Post-graduation thoughts” (here is a method you can use to find your way).