How to ruin a love story before it started.
I like to think I have a well-documented expertise when it comes to dating, boys and sex (I won’t include relationships, lifetime proved that I am not that skilled).
When you meet someone everything is pink and roses. Life seems full of joy and the future promising. You feel like you can travel the world and kill a dragon…
It’s all in your head.
For real, or better said nothing is real or at least as real as you think.
1. When we fall in love our brains are producing chemicals that make us feel happy and blessed. It can be Doomsday, but hey! everything is soooo magical and wonderful….and you are in love. It’s that period when you act silly. Don’t be ashamed we all do. If there would not be these chemicals you would be full of anxiety and stress from head to toe. Even with all the dopamine and serotonin, dating is stressful enough.
2. This is worse than the first point. The person you think you like is not real. Be serious now, you only met him twice, yes you know what stupid song he posted on 24 February 2011 because you studied his Facebook profile but if one is honest with himself you know nothing. Life proved me that even after 3 years of a relationship you still lack the full picture, some are taken by surprise after a life spent together. The boy (or the girl) you think you are dating is a made-up product of your imagination combined with past experience. He (or she) is filled with qualities and lacks flaws or if there are it doesn’t matter you will ignore them anyway (cognitive dissonance).
What? This never happened to you? Liar… (I say it with love)
I have 2 techniques I use to avoid this when it comes to dating and life in general (those 2 mechanisms I mentioned above manifest in life in general not only when it comes to love).
1. I make my own mind when it comes to this person or situation and then I talk separately with 2 friends that do not know each other and I ask them what they think about that. Thus I have an “outside view”. Of course, it isn’t the best way to approach such an issue because they make this judgement based on my subjective perceptions. If my initial stance is very different from theirs or if there is a great difference of perspectives then I go to talk with the person with whom I am dating.
2. When it comes to the behaviour or traits, in order to avoid the rainbow aura that surrounds my prospective lover, I try to imagine how would I judge an average Joe that would manifest them.