What I learned so far on my coaching journey: coaching is not about questions but about being present.

How it begins…

(you can skip to the next section if you want)

Vulnerable

The first lesson I learned as a coach is being vulnerable. It takes practice, a lot, still working on it as I do with the other lessons I learned. It means being honest with yourself and not only juggling with some concepts in your mind but rather taking them in your heart.

Trust

I learned to trust myself that eventually, I will figure things out- sooner or later. Thus I learned to do the same thing with others. I learned to trust that everyone has all they need in order to succeed in what they desire. When I coach someone I trust that he is competent and full of resources. Having this in mind I am able not to give advice or solutions. I know he (she) already knows what he (she) should know. I know that my coachee knows better than me. I trust he (she) is competent to discover or craft a solution for his (her) issue. If my client is the “mother” of the answer, I am not the father of the child but the midwife (hope this metaphor makes as much sense for you as it does for me). The delivery involves excruciating pains and I cannot bear this responsibility for my partner, I am there to assist not do.

Patience

Things happen when they are supposed to happen- there is a timing for everything.

Silence

Sometimes silence can do more than a question. We must learn to be comfortable with silence, with the empty space. We forgot silence, we are always bombarded with notifications from our smartphones, there is always a buzz and noise around us. We can’t stay by ourselves in silence we are scared of what it could be, of what we could be.

Listen

I thought I was a good listener before I started coaching. I rarely gave a thought on what I was going to say and I almost never labelled people or situations. However, I was listening to the story not to what was underneath it. I learned to listen to what the other is actually trying to tell me through that narrative, I learned to see between the lines and beneath them. It is about listening (paying attention to) the human not the story.

The void

One must learn to be still. I am yet learning how to create the void- the 5th element as they call it. A place of no existence where everything exists. It is a place of possibilities because there is nothing and thus is room for everything. You make space for things to be created, to take form. In this manner a coach does with his client, making space for him to explore himself and his reality by renouncing your preconceptions and labels of good and bad, of what it could be and what it is. You generate space by being present, not being focused but concentrated, being silent and having trust.

Let things be

Having an objective is essential for coaching. We need to know our destination but how we get there and how the solution or objective must look, are not ours to decide. It is about him the client, the person you assist, not about you. Let him decide.

Navigating conciously through patterns and systems

I realized in the past months that I was not entirely conscious of my being. I observed very few are. We tend to function on auto-pilot: reacting instead of responding. Through coaching, I become myself more conscious of myself. The coaches I worked with mirrored me and help me find different instruments to reflect on myself. As a consequence, with time, I learned to be honest with who I was- my shadows included- I was able to become whole again. Because I was now more aware I started to see more clearly the structures within and without.

Compassion

Before I started coaching this word was absent from my vocabulary and now I can’t imagine the world without it. How peculiar the Universe can be sometimes…

Writer with the soul of a poet. I'm trying not to take myself too serious. Deeply grateful that I can share my thoughts & emotions with you.

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